I would tell you a joke about airplane food, but it’s a little too plain.

I'm emotionally constipated, I haven't given a crap in days.

I used to be a personal trainer, but then I lost interest.

I’m writing a song about a tortilla, well, it’s more of a wrap.

I used to be a baker, but then I couldn't make the crust.

I used to play piano, but it didn't key into my interests.

I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

I tried to make an anti-joke, but it never showed up.

I used to play piano, but then it flatlined.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned around and quit.

I used to be a cartoonist, but then I realized I wasn't drawn to it.

I'm friends with all the mountains, but some just don't peak my interest.

I'm friends with all the rivers, they always flow with me.

My exercise routine consists of running out of patience.

I told a joke about construction, still working on it.

I'm reading a book on how to make mistakes, it's bound to be a bestseller.

My idea of a perfect date is April 25th, because it's not too hot and not too cold.

The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar - it was tense.

I'm friends with trees; they're always rooting for me.

I walked into a bar and asked for a cold beer. The bartender gave me a popsicle.

I used to be a baker, but now I'm loafing around.