Why did the zombie go to school? He wanted to improve his brrraaains.

What's a pirate's favorite restaurant? Arrrrby's.

Why don't witches date warlocks? They have too many hexes.

Why did the vampire get hired as a dentist? He had great fangs.

What's a zombie's favorite shampoo? Head and Shoulders.

Why do ghosts love elevators? They lift their spirits.

Why do graveyards always have a fence? People are dying to get in.

Why did the zombie go to school? To improve his life.

Why do violists leave their instrument cases on the dashboards of their cars? So they can park in designated spots for handicapped drivers.

Why was the angry computer cold? It left its Windows open.

Why don't we ever have smoking hot lawyers? They always go through a lot of rein-could.

Why can we say that all lawyers are crooks? Because all good lawyers can divert the attention of a judge.

I asked the doctor if I would ever be able to play the piano. He told me, 'Of course!'. I said, 'That's great, I've always wanted to know what it's like to lose a finger.'

I started a new job at the prison library. It's great, I get to work behind bars.

I asked the waiter how they prepare their chicken. He told me to not get too attached.

Why did the cat take a nap on the computer? To keep an eye on the mouse.

Why did the serial killer go to therapy? To work on improving his people skills.

I like my humor like I like my coffee. Dark and full of bitterness.

I told my wife she should do lunges to stay in shape. So she went out and smoked a pack of cigarettes.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a straight jacket.

I was fired from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in.