Do you know why the serial killer failed anatomy? He just couldn't stomach the lessons.

I love telling dead baby jokes. They never get old.

I asked my wife if she wanted to run away with me. Then I remembered I can't run that fast with a body in the trunk.

I saw a fat man wearing a slogan T-shirt that said, 'I refuse to diet!' I thought, 'Great, now even clothes are getting cocky.'

They say you are what you eat. That's funny, I don't remember eating a legend.

I told my therapist about my necrophiliac tendencies. He just said I might be digging myself into a hole.

I heard an interesting fact about cemeteries, people are just dying to get in.

I used to have a fear of spiders, but now I own a haunted house full of them.

I heard that graveyards are overcrowded because people are just dying to get in.

I asked my friend if he wanted to join my cult. He said he was already in a committed relationship with his therapist.

I told my girlfriend she should lose some weight. Now she's haunting me every time I open the fridge.

I used to have a fear of elevators, but I've taken steps to avoid them.

I found a needle in my Halloween candy. Turns out, it was just a little prick.

I tried to donate blood, but they said my type was 'creepy' and asked me to leave.

I told my wife she should invest in a cemetery. She said she needed some time to dig deep and think about it.

I asked my boyfriend why he always wears black. He said it matches his cold, dead heart.

I used to work at a circus, but I quit because I couldn't handle the constant clowning around.

I tried to buy a coffin online, but they said it wasn't available for immediate delivery. Talk about a dead end.

I asked my therapist if I was a psychopath. He said, 'I'll let you know after our next session.'

I told my boss I needed a few days off for my mental health. He said, 'Sure, take the rest of your life off.'

I bought a coffin for my ex-husband. Every time he opens his mouth, I get a discount.