My grandpa always said I had a twisted sense of humor. I told him it runs in the family.

I like to tell ghost stories at parties. It really helps keep the crowd dead silent.

I have a dark sense of humor because my life is already a joke.

Did you hear about the ghost who won an award? He was boo-tiful.

I'm so dark, even my shadow needs therapy.

People say I have skeletons in my closet. I tell them, 'At least they're there to keep my demons company.'

Why couldn't the ghost find a job? No one could see right through him.

I asked my therapist for advice on coping with my fears. He said, 'Just bury them deep down.'

My ex-girlfriend used to tell me I had a heart of stone. Jokes on her, I have a whole cemetery.

Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She was always a pain in the neck.

I told my parents I wanted to pursue a career in stand-up comedy. They said, 'Don't quit your day job.'

I accidentally stepped on a spider today. It's the closest thing I've had to a social life in weeks.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the cemetery? They woke up.

I tried to make a joke about the cemetery, but it died on me.

I used to have a fear of graveyards, but I got over it. Now I find them quite relaxing.

My wife accused me of being addicted to brake fluid. I told her I could stop anytime.

I told the doctor I swallowed a bone. He told me to go against the grain.

I tried to explain a pun to my wife about being a locksmith. She didn't find it key.

I asked the fortune teller for my money back. She said, 'What did you expect?'

My wife accused me of being obsessed with revenge. I'll come back to her later.

I told my wife she should write a book on indecision. She said, 'I'll think about it.'