Why did the skeleton go to the party alone? Because he's dead inside.

I told my friend he should be more transparent. He said, 'I can see right through you.'

Why don't skeletons fight each other in the army? Because they're already bone-tired.

Why did the zombie break up with his zombie girlfriend? She just wasn't his type. She was his body type.

I told my therapist I have a fear of speed bumps. He assured me it's just a slow road to recovery.

Why did the ghost break up with his ghost girlfriend? She kept haunting his ex.

I asked my mechanic if I could borrow his wrench. He said, 'Sure, if you can handle the torque.'

I told my wife she should learn to make jokes. She said, 'I already married one.'

I told my girlfriend she should be more affectionate. She said, 'Get lost.' So I made her a map.

I asked the chef if the steak was too rare. He said, 'I can still hear it mooing.'

I asked my grandpa if he wanted his exorcism. He said he'll stick with his ex-wife.

I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. But apparently, it's hard to prosecute in 'air' court.

I bought a new thesaurus the other day. Not only is it terrible, but it's also terrible.

My wife told me I have a 'dysfunctional family.' I almost choked on my popcorn.

I asked my wife if we could try role-playing in bed. She told me to be a vacuum cleaner and suck it up.

I told my psychiatrist I was having suicidal thoughts. He told me to hold on for one more session.

I lost my job as a chef due to cannibalism. They said I lacked good taste.

I told my wife she should do lunges to stay in shape. She lunged at me.

I asked the devil for a deal, but he told me my soul wasn't worth much on the market.

I went to see a fortune teller, but she didn't see me coming.

I asked my therapist if she could help me with my fear of elevators. She said, 'Let's take some steps to address that.'