I asked my wife if she wanted to be cremated. She said, 'Only if I can roast you too.'

I used to be a chef, but I couldn't handle the heat. So I became a crematorium operator.

I told my wife I wanted to be buried with my collection of horror movies. She said, 'Fine, you can scare the worms.'

Why do vampires always seem sick? They're constantly coffin.

I asked my wife if she believed in ghosts. She said, 'I believe in haunting partnerships.'

I used to be a banker, but I decided to rob graves for a higher interest rate.

Why did the zombie join the circus? He wanted a dead-end career change.

Why did the scarecrow get promoted? He was outstanding in his field, even in death.

I asked my wife if she wanted to be cremated or buried. She said, 'Surprise me.'

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend? She always wanted a bite of his success.

I used to work at a haunted house, but I got tired of the guests being dead silent.

Why did the zombie start his own business? He wanted a job where he could really sink his teeth into it.

I told my wife I wanted to be cryogenically frozen. She said, 'Don't worry, I'll plan a chilling funeral.'

Why did the vampire refuse to donate blood? He thought it was a vein attempt at charity.

I used to be a lifeguard, but I was fired for making too many waves at funerals.

Why did the zombie join the army? He heard they had a strict 'no brains, no service' policy.

I used to be a tailor, but I couldn't handle the pressure. Now I work in the embalming industry.

Why did the vampire become a vegetarian? Blood oranges were in season.

I asked the bartender for a stiff drink. He handed me a shovel and pointed to the cemetery.

Why did the grave robber break up with his girlfriend? She was too possessive.

I told my wife I wanted a Viking funeral. She said, 'Sorry, we can't afford the boat. We'll just set you on fire.'