I told my wife she should do jumping jacks to stay in shape - she just laughed and laughed.

I'm reading a book on teleportation - it's out of sight!

I accidentally swallowed some food coloring - I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

I was going to look for my missing watch, but I didn't have the time.

I'm reading a book on the history of calendars - it's about time!

She only made carbonated seafood once - it was the fizz-pish she could do!

You can never trust atoms; they make up everything!

7 days without a pun makes one weak.

The difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle is a tire.

I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

I couldn’t figure out how to put my seatbelt on. Then it just clicked.

The rotation of the earth really makes my day.

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws? It was given two consecutive sentences.

What happened to the dog that swallowed a dictionary? It gave birth to a litter of words!

Singing in the shower is fun until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it's a soap opera!

I'm a big fan of whiteboards. They're quite re-markable.

What do you call a group of killer whales playing music? An orca-stra!

If towels could tell jokes, they would probably have a dry sense of humor.

I'm writing a book about hurricanes and tornadoes. It's only a draft.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a high-five.

I'm trying to organize a hide-and-seek tournament, but it's really hard to find good players.