Why was the calendar depressed? It had too many dates.

I told a joke about pizza, but it was too cheesy.

I'm friends with paper, it always listens to my thoughts.

I'm friends with a clock, we always have time together.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don't think it's feline well.

I asked my dog what's on top of a house? Roof roof!

I used to be a gardener, but I couldn't find the right seeds.

I used to be a banker, but I always got overdrawn.

I told a squirrel to go to school, now he's a chipmunk.

I used to be a shoe salesman, but I couldn't find the right fit.

I'm friends with a scarecrow, he's outstanding in his field.

I told my computer a joke, now it has a giggle byte.

I'm friends with a clock, we always have a good time.

I told my cat a joke, but he thought it was purr-fectly awful.

I'm friends with a broom, we sweep each other off our feet.

I'm friends with a tree, we've been root buddies for years.

I used to be a fisherman, but I couldn't catch anything but colds.

I'm friends with a belt, we always keep things waist-ed.

I told my dog a joke, but it went over his head.

I used to be a gardener, but I couldn't find my bloomers.

I'm friends with a mirror, we always reflect on good times.