I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It's a little fishy.

Spring is here! I'm so excited I wet my plants.

I would tell you a joke about an elevator, but that's an uplifting story.

Why do some couples go to the gym? Because they want their relationship to work out.

'Dad, can you put my shoes on?' 'I don't think they'll fit me.'

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

Why did the restaurant on the moon close down? It had no atmosphere.

Have you heard the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it.

If you see a crime at an Apple Store, does that make you an iWitness?

What does a bee use to brush its hair? A honeycomb!

How does a penguin keep its house warm? Igloos in the heater!

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants to the golf course? In case he got a hole in one!

Why was Cinderella so bad at basketball? Because she kept running away from the ball!

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog? Frost bite!

Why did the hipster burn his tongue? Because he drank his coffee before it was cool.

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them!

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the P is silent!

Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion? There was de-brie everywhere!

How do you organize a space party? Planet ahead!

I got hit in the head with a can of soda, but it didn't hurt. It was a soft drink!

What does a lemon say when it answers the phone? Yellow!