Did you hear about the cat who ate a ball of yarn? She had mittens.

I’m reading a book on anti-gravity—it’s impossible to put down.

What do you call a fish wearing a crown? An anemone.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind—it’s tearable.

Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.

How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints.

Why wouldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

I'm only familiar with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.

I'm learning how to juggle. It's a balancing act.

I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she'd been with. She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.

Why do crabs never share? Because they're shellfish.

I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.

I saw a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.

I'm friends with a couple of electrical outlets. They're definitely my plug.

I'm afraid of elevators, so I'm taking steps to avoid them.

What do you call a fake rock? A shamrock.

I'm reading a book on anti-gravity, but I can't put it down.

Have you heard about the claustrophobic astronaut? He needed space.

Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? Because they work on many levels.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.