Why do fish live in saltwater? Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

Why did the crab never share? Because it's a little shellfish.

I would tell you a joke about a ceiling, but it's over your head.

What's a dentist's favorite time? Tooth-hurty.

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

Did you hear about the math teacher who was afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.

What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.

I would tell you a joke about the elevator but it's an uplifting experience.

Why did the dad joke cross the road? To get to the punchline on the other side.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A

I heard there's a new store called Moderation. They have everything in moderation.

Why are historians terrible at relationships? They're always bringing up the past.

What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe!

Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents!

I would tell you a bad chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.

What did the scarf say to the hat? You go on ahead, I'll hang around.

What do you call a belt with a clock on it? A waist of time.

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time-consuming.

I'm terrified of elevators, so I've started taking steps to avoid them.

I told my wife she should get a haircut. She got mad - turns out she didn't appreciate the suggestion.