It's not a dad bod, it's a father figure.

Why did the shrimp refuse to share its treasure? It was a little shellfish!

Why do some fish live in saltwater? Because pepperwater makes them sneeze!

I was going to tell you a joke about time travel, but you didn't like it.

Have you heard about the math book that's sad? It has too many problems.

I made a pun about vegetables, but it was corny.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

I'm starting a band called Moderation. We're going to be very mediocre.

I used to work as a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough. It really took the bread out of me.

I used to make bread, but I couldn't make enough dough. It was a crumby job.

What do you call a thieving Alligator? A Crookodile.

I made a belt out of watches, but it was a waist of time.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long.

What did the coffee say to the bean? You're ground for life.

Why are ghosts bad liars? Because they're too transparent.

Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed.

My wife told me I should do lunges to stay in shape. That's a big stretch.

I would crack a chemistry joke but all the good ones Argon.

I'm terrified of elevators, so I'm going to take steps to avoid them.

I would make a joke about fruit, but I find it a-peeling.

Why did the scarecrow win an award at work? Because he was outstanding in his field!