I told a joke about construction, but I'm still building up to the punchline.

What does a grape say when it gets stepped on? Nothing, it just lets out a little wine!

Why can't you trust stairs? They're always up to something!

What do you call fake lettuce? A shamrock!

What do you call dad who falls through the ice? A pop-sicle!

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda-pressing!

Did you hear about the superhero that can communicate with sea creatures? He's Aquaman-tal.

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? She'll let it go.

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

I'm friends with an oven. It's always got my back.

I'm friends with a calendar. It's days are numbered.

Why did the mathematician divide sin by tan? Just cos.

I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger, and then it hit me.

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.

I'm really good at sleeping in public. I can do it with my eyes closed.

It takes guts to be an organ donor.

What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt.

Exaggerations went up by a million percent last year. That's not true, but it sounds good.

I used to be a baker, but every time I kneaded dough, it rose. I couldn't handle the yeast.

I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything in it.