Why did the math teacher break up with the geometry teacher? They had way too many problems.

Yoga class helps me relax, but for the flexible folks, it's a stretch.

I'm trying to lose weight, but it's a piece of cake.

I'm friends with a lot of vegetarians. I'm a real plant-eater.

I'm addicted to break fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They got six months each.

Why was the baseball team so good at math? They knew how to use their bats!

What do you call a dessert that hurts your feelings? A pudding.

Why don't eggs tell jokes? Because they might crack up!

Why did the piece of chewing gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken's foot!

Why was the baby strawberry crying? His parents were in a jam!

You can't trust stairs because they're always up to something.

I'm friends with a couple of twins. One is a photon, and the other is a little light.

Did you hear about the invention of the shovel? It was groundbreaking!

Why do melons have weddings? Because they can't elope!

Why are elevator jokes so good? Because they work on many levels.

I would tell you a constipation joke, but it's full of crap.

I'm reading a book on teleportation. I'm getting really into it.

I'm afraid of negative numbers. I'll stop at nothing to avoid them!

I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's just a rip-off.

I asked my dog what 2 minus 2 is. He said nothing, it's a dog eat dog world.