I'm writing a book on how to quit procrastination. I'll finish it later.

I'm afraid of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it.

I've been reading a book on gravity. It's very hard to put down!

I asked my wife to tell me a joke about construction, but I'm still waiting for the punchline.

Why did the lion break up with his lioness? He couldn't roar the same way anymore.

I would tell you a joke about vegetables, but they're all corny!

Why can't you trust the little riddle book? Because it's binding!

What do you call a funny mountain? Hill-arious!

Why did the Italian chef have to go to court? He pasta way too many jokes!

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? Because it's pointless!

What's the best way to watch a fly-fishing tournament? Live stream.

A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him, 'That's the last thing I need!'

I'm friends with a philosopher, but sometimes his jokes are too deep for me.

I used to be a personal trainer, but I lost too many clients.

I would tell you a joke about the history of socks, but it's too darn long!

I used to be a baker, but I cound't make enough dough.

What kind of award did the dentist receive? A little plaque!

Why do clocks seem to be hungry all the time? Because they always go back four seconds!

Why do sharks only swim in saltwater? Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

I would tell you a joke about a vacuum, but it really sucks.

I would tell you a time travel joke, but you didn't like it.