Did you hear about the gardening tools that were in a relationship? They had a real hoe-mance!

What do you call fake spaghetti? An impostapasta!

What do you call a lazy doctor? Dr. Doolittle!

Why don't scientists trust atoms even though they make up everything? They're just too shady!

I’m addicted to eating sponges. But I keep coming out clean!

Why do scuba divers fall backwards into the water? Because if they fell forwards they’d still be on the boat!

I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best damn show I've ever seen!

What's it called when you put a cow in an elevator? Raising the steaks!

How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it brick by brick!

I'm not a dad, but I'm a fungi to be around!

I used to play piano, but I couldn't find the right key to success!

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because his work was outstanding!

I'm not a dad, but I'm an a-llama-ing comedian!

I used to have a job at the bakery but I loafed around too much!

I'm not a dad, but I'm still a-punkin you with jokes!

I would tell you a joke about the violin, but it's too high-pitched!

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the furniture store… the police are looking into it.

Why did the math teacher break up with the clock? She decided to spend all her time with squares.

Why aren't koalas considered actual bears? They don't meet the koalafications!

Life is short - if you can't laugh at yourself, call me, I'll do it for you.