Why did the bicycle fall over? It was too tired!

Why don't pianists like talking about their music? Because they want to keep it in C major.

Why are teddy bears never hungry? Because they're always stuffed!

I'm thinking of opening a bakery for dogs. I'll call it 'Pupcakes'!

When a dad drives past a graveyard: Did you know that's a popular cemetery? Yep, people are just dying to get in there!

I would tell you a joke about lemons, but it's a little too sour!

I'm friends with a lot of people who sell security systems. We go way back.

Why did the man send his phone to school? He wanted a smartphone!

I called my dog 'five miles' so I can say I walk 'five miles' every day!

Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out!

Why was the yoga teacher arrested for being too flexible? They couldn't contain them!

Why did the hamburger go to the gym? To get better buns!

Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it's tearable.

How does a physicist organize a party? He planet.

I would lose weight, but I hate losing.

Why was the spider good at the internet? He was always on the web.

I'm reading a book on teleportation. It's just hard to put down.

Why did the strawberry cry? Its mother was in a jam.

Who makes standard size doors? The keyhole maker.

What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married? Fiance-Z.

I'm reading a book on the history of construction. It's riveting!