What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite and eternal cold!

I would tell you a joke about space, but it's out of this world.

Why was the math book sad on Valentine's Day? Because it had too many problems with division.

I'm starting a cow choir. It's udderly amazing.

I used to play hide and seek with vegetables, but they just kept radishing me out.

What did the coal say to the pencil? 'I'll be your rock if you promise to be my paper.'

What do you get when you combine a snowman and a dog? Frostbite.

Why did the math book try to fight the history book? It wanted to remain number one!

What time do you go to the dentist? Tooth hurty.

What do you call a lazy doctor? A stethoscope.

I used to be a baker before I got fired. They said I was loafing around too much.

I'm taking up meditation. It's a lot easier than sitting down and doing nothing.

What kind of bird doesn’t need a comb? A bald eagle.

Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

I read a book on Stockholm syndrome. It was pretty bad at first, but by the end I liked it.

What do you call a factory that makes quality products? A satisfactory!

Why are spiders great at web design? Because they know all the URL's!

Why couldn't the crab share his food? Because he was shellfish!

I'm reading a book on the history of peanut butter. It's nuts!

I asked my dad if we could go to the mall. He said, 'I can't, I'm already dressed!'

I'm trying to organize a special space-themed party. It's out of this world.