I used to play tennis, but it was a racket.

I heard there was an explosion at a cheese factory. There was nothing left but de-brie.

I'm trying to write a book on how to install elevators, it's an uplifting experience.

I ordered a chicken and an egg online to see which would come first. I'll keep you posted.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at the park? They woke the kid up.

Last night, I had a dream that I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted!

Why did the math book feel sad? Because it had too many problems.

I got hit in the head with a can of soda, but I'm okay because it was a soft drink.

I'm reading a book on the gravity of the moon. It's a real page-turner!

Why don't cows ever have money? Because the farmers milk them dry!

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because it has a silent pee!

I told my wife she should do some lunges. That would be a big step forward!

Did you hear about the circus fire? It was intense!

When do you know it's time to go to the dentist? Tooth hurty!

I told my friend ten jokes to make him laugh. No pun in ten did!

I told my wife she should practice cannonball dives. She jumped to it.

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, 'Do you know how to drive this thing?'

I'm friends with a cheese grater. We have a lot of grate times.

I'm friends with a tree. We have a lot of roots.

I'm friends with a dictionary. We have a lot of definitions.

I'm friends with a map. We have a lot of directions.