The computer froze after playing music. It had too many beats.

I’m friends with trees. They leaf me alone.

I was scrolling through my camera roll and found all these great vegetable puns. It was a cornucopia of jokes!

Have you heard about the corduroy pillow? It’s making headlines!

I used to be a personal trainer, but I lost my clients’ trust.

Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.

Where do you learn to make banana splits? At sundae school.

Why did the bees go on strike? They wanted more honey and shorter working flowers!

I told my wife she should do some gardening. That's a plantastic idea!

What does a sprinter eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!

I told my wife she should do sit-ups to stay in shape. I would be happy to help you stand up.

I don't trust stairs, they are always up to something.

I was going to tell a joke about a boomerang, but it didn't come back to me.

I knew I shouldn't steal a mixer from the bakery. It was a whisk I was willing to take.

What do planets like to read? Comet books.

If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

Why does a chicken coop have two doors? Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

What is a pirate's favorite letter? Arrrr.

Have you heard the joke about paper? Nevermind, it's tearable.

I put my grandma on speed dial. I call that Instagram.

Why don't eggs tell jokes? Because they'd crack each other up.