Why did the motorcycle go to sleep? Because it was two-tired!

Survival of the fittest means the one who survives is the fittest.

I was thinking about moving to Moscow but there is no point Russian into things.

Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.

Did you hear about the tree that went to the party? It was a real trunk show!

I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet because I don't know y.

Why did the stand-up comedian go to school? To improve his stand-up routine.

What's blue and not heavy at all? Light blue.

I never run with scissors. Those last two words were unnecessary.

Why was the cookie crying? Because its mom was a wafer so long.

I would tell you a joke about fruits, but I find them a bit a-peeling.

What do you call a fake stone? A faux paws.

I 'm reading a book about mazes, I got lost in it.

I'm thinking of writing a book about hurricanes, it's only a draft though.

I think my neighbor is a vampire. They can't handle garlic.

I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.

What do you call a melon who's not allowed to get married? Cantelope.

Why did the bicycle tip over? Because it was two-tired!

Why did the cheese maker take up boxing? Because he wanted to get a little cheddar.

Why did the arena get hot after the game? All the fans left.

I was fired from the keyboard factory for not putting in enough shifts.