I've only seen my dad make jokes about pizza... he kneads them.

I have a snake as a pet. It doesn't make sense, but it's a real python.

Imagine if the spork had never been invented, we'd have to eat our salads with two utensils like savages.

I'd tell you a constuction joke, but I'm still working on it.

Why did the donut visit the dentist? To get a filling.

Why do pirates not know the alphabet? Because they always get stuck at 'C'.

Why did the chameleon who couldn't change color? He had a reptile dysfunction.

What did the steak say to the knife? Don't go bacon my heart.

Why did the dinosaur refuse to use the computer? It was afraid of the 'mouse'.

What do you call a hen who counts her eggs? A mathemachicken.

What concert only costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback.

What did the cycling class instructor say at the start of the class? Let's get this show on the road!

Why did the guess attend court? Because he was being tried as a suspect.

Where do cows go on vacation? Mooodagascar.

If you see a crime at an apple orchard, what should you do? Call the cops!

How come the calendar is always nervous? Because its days are numbered.

What do you call a pencil that can't write? Pointless.

I would tell you a chimney joke, but I'm afraid it would go over your head.

Did you hear about the dancing cow? It was outstanding in its field.

Why did the robot go on a diet? To lose a few megabytes.

I would tell you a joke about chemistry, but I know sodium fine.