Why couldn't Dracula's wife fall asleep? Because of his coffin.

What did one nut say to the other nut? I'm a cashew.

Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory? There was de-brie everywhere.

What do you get when you cross a hummingbird with a doorbell? A humdinger.

What do you call fake noodles? An impasta.

I would make a joke about the sodium, but Na.

Why did the scarecrow become a successful neurologist? He was outstanding in his field!

Why did the CPU go to the dentist? It had a byte.

Why did the shoe get in trouble? It tied some people up.

Why did the waiter bring a ladder to the restaurant? Because the soup was on the house.

What do you call a cow that plays musical instruments? A moo-sician.

Why are bank tellers not allowed to ride bicycles? They tend to lose their balance.

Why was everyone so tired at the fancy dress party? It was a masquerade.

I used to have a job in a shoe factory, but I got the boot.

Why did the scarecrow beat everyone at hide and seek? Because he was outstanding in his field!

Why are ghosts always happy while playing hide and seek? Because they like to have a haunting good time!

Why don't electrons hang out together? Because they are always negative!

I'm trying to write a joke about a vacuum, but it sucks.

I'm looking for a book on the history of sandpaper. It's going to be a rough read.

Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, you might spread it!

What do you call a sketchy Italian neighborhood? Spaghettho.