What do you call a pencil with a broken tip? Pointless.

I'm reading a book on photobombing, it has a lot of unexpected pictures.

Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they're shellfish!

What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe, idiot!

There's a new type of broom out, it's sweeping the nation!

We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea. Runs in our jeans!

I asked my dad if we could turn up the radio. He said we can't; it's already rock bottom.

Why do pirates make terrible chefs? They can't handle the heat!

What would bears be without Bees? Ears.

Why don't bees ever get married? Because they already have a honey.

Why don't bees ever get sick? They have natural honey remedies.

Why do pirates not go to the gym? They already have the booty.

Have you heard about the cheese factory explosion in France? There was nothing left but de-brie.

I see your phone has a cracked screen, but I heard you can't call it that. It's a cellular device.

I used to have a job at a calendar factory but they fired me because I took a couple of days off.

I would like to give a shout out to all the sidewalks for keeping me off the streets.

I don't always take the elevator to avoid the stairs. Sometimes I take it for granted.

I would tell you a joke about lemons, but that would be too sour.

I left my job at the donut shop. It was too holey.

Why did the crab never share his food? Because he's shellfish.

I'm friends with a lot of vegetarians. I'm a fungi.