I'm friends with a baker because she makes everything a little sweeter.

I'm friends with a musician because they always strike the right chord with me.

What do you call a magical poo? A stinkerbelle.

I told my wife she should do lunges to stay in shape. She responded, 'That's a big step.'

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the bathroom? The P is silent.

I'm friends with a bearded dragon. He's quite a reptile.

I would tell you a joke about a stair, but it's step-ladder.

I'm trying to learn how to time travel, but I can't get the hang of it.

I heard there were a bunch of break-ins over at the auto body shop – they left a path of destruction.

What's the sleepiest fruit? The nap-ple!

Why was the man staring at the orange juice container? Because it said concentrate!

How do you know when you're getting a good haircut? When it's a cut above the rest!

Why did the squid lose at poker? Because it was too good at playing cards!

Why did the ducks go to the park? To have a quack time!

Why don't rocks like to play games? They take things for granite!

Why don't bones ever lie? Because they can't fibula!

Why did the bee go to the barber? It needed a buzz cut!

What do you call a group of unorganized cats? A cat-tastrophe!

Why can't you have a nose that's 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!

I used to wonder why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

I would tell you a pizza joke, but it's a little cheesy.