I have a fear of elevators, but it's okay - it's an uplifting experience.

I told my wife she should try dubbing her cooking. She gave me the cold shoulder.

Why did the bicycle find its way home? It took the right path.

What do you call a lazy doctor? Dr. Do-little.

Why was the stadium so cold? Because it had lots of fans!

When do you know if you're drinking too much coffee? When you channel surf faster without the remote.

Have you heard about the restaurant called Karma? There's no menu – you get what you deserve.

What do you call a chicken that counts its eggs? A mathemachicken.

Why did the scarecrow become an astronaut? Because he had the right stuff!

Why did the seafood break up with the tuna? It wasn't fin-tastic!

I'm trying to organize a space party, but it's taking up too much room!

I'm trying to organize a space party, but nobody wants to planet!

I'm friends with a ceiling. We're above all that drama.

What do you call fake potato chips? Faux-tato chips!

I'm starting a new business selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof!

Why did the statue lawyer go to law school? To pass the bar.

What do you call a factory that makes nothing? A failure.

Why didn't the bike finish the race? It couldn't handle the pressure.

Why did the police bring a ladder to the crime scene? They heard the suspect was on the roof.

I knew I shouldn’t steal a mixer from work. It was a whisk I was willing to take.

Why can't eggs tell jokes? They would crack each other up!