Why did the werewolf open a bakery? He kneaded the dough.

Why did the coffin go to the party? Because it heard people were dying to get in.

Don't ever get into a fight with a vampire. They're a pain in the neck.

Why did the ghost break up with his girlfriend? She kept giving him the cold shoulder.

How do you make a skeleton laugh? Tickling its funny bone.

Why did the triangle go to the party? To get some sine and cosine.

Did you hear about the injured vegetable? It's a little beet up.

Why did the scarecrow go to school? To get a little straw-neducation.

What does a cloud wear under his clothes? Thunderwear.

Why isn't your nose 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

Why can't you take a nap during a race? Because if you snooze, you loose.

What do ghosts use to wash their hair? Shamboo.

Why did the vampire get caught shoplifting? He was a sucker for a good deal.

Why did the constipated mathematician work it out with a pencil? He had to solve a number 2 problem.

My girlfriend told me to stop playing mind games with her. So I stopped giving her a brain.

I don't need a hair stylist, I have a hair chairapist.

I asked the doctor if he could make me look younger. He offered to re-arrange my face.

I asked my friend if he wanted to hear a joke about skeletons. He said he couldn't handle it, he was a little bonely.

I went to a cannibal convention. It was a real flesh-eating experience.

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated and scattered in the ocean. She said she hoped my sense of direction was better in the afterlife.

I asked my therapist if I would ever get over my fear of heights. She said the sky's the limit.