Why was the cemetery so noisy? All the coffin.

Why did the zombie break up with his girlfriend? She wasn't his type anymore.

What did the coffin say to the sick body? 'Cough drop in.'

Why did the murderer go to the grocery store? To pick up a few killer items.

What did the axe murderer say to the tree? 'I've got a splitting headache.'

Why did the ghost break up with the witch? She kept haunting him.

Why did the scarecrow become a stand-up comedian? Because he knew how to stick it to the crowd.

I asked the psychic for a refund. She said, 'I already saw you coming.'

Why did the avocado break up with the guacamole? It said it needed some 'space.'

I told my therapist I had a fear of rejection. He said, 'Don't worry, it's not like I'll ever reject you.'

I asked the serial killer for fashion advice. He said, 'Strangle is the new black.'

Why did the skeleton break up with his girlfriend? She was too clingy.

I told my doctor I wanted to be taller. He said, 'Don't worry, you'll have a leg up on the competition.'

Why did the cannibal turn vegan? He heard plant-based humans were the new 'in' thing.

I asked the zombie if he wanted a girlfriend. He said, 'Nah, I prefer someone with a little more 'meat' on their bones.'

Why did the mummy become an archaeologist? To uncover his own past.

Why did the coffin break up with the bed? It said they had no future together.

Why did the ghost go to the party? Because he heard it was a 'graveyard smash.'

I told my wife she should practice safe eating. She put on a helmet before having dinner.

Why do vampires seem sick all the time? They're all suffering from bat breath.

I asked my doctor for advice on waking up early. He said, 'Just die a little inside.'