What do you call a vampire who's good at card tricks? The Count of Monte Cristo.

Why did Dracula become a vegetarian? He hated stakeouts.

Why did the mummy go to school? He wanted to improve his wrapping skills.

Why did the zombie leave his girlfriend? He just wasn't feeling it anymore.

Why did the ghost get pulled over by the police? He was speeding because he saw something shocking.

Why did the vampire break up with his girlfriend? She didn't want to neck anymore.

Why did the werewolf breakup with his girlfriend? She just couldn't handle his hairy situation.

Why did the scarecrow win an award for being the best comedian? He was outstanding in his field of corny jokes.

Why did the zombie go to school? To improve his body of work.

Why did Dracula become a vegetarian? He heard stakes are bad for your heart.

Why did the ghost get in trouble at school? He was caught passing through walls.

Why did Humpty Dumpty love autumn? He always had a great fall.

Why did the scarecrow become a successful lawyer? He knew how to argue his case.

Why did the elevator break up with the Gothic building? It just couldn't take them to the next level.

Why did Danny DeVito go to jail? For loitering.

Why did the policeman go to the baseball game? He heard someone had stolen second base.

My girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess. So I flew her to Paris and locked her in a tower.

I used to be a baker, then I got kneaded out of my job.

Why was the belt upset? It felt like it was being held back.

Why did the vampire become a librarian? He heard they had good circulation.

Why did the witch get a job at the bank? She heard they had good hex-change rates.