Why did the cereal killer get away with murder? He kept his plans under wraps.

I accidentally swallowed a key. Now I'm passing a little gas.

I used to be a plumber, but I couldn't handle the dirty work.

I was going to tell a joke about paper, but it's tearable.

I told my wife she should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a grave mistake.

I used to work at a makeup counter, but it was a cover-up.

Why did the scientist break up with his element? There was no chemistry.

Why couldn't the bike find its owner? It was two-tired of waiting.

I told my therapist I have a fear of escalators. He said, 'Try not to take steps backwards.'

I used to work in a cemetery, but I couldn't handle the grave situation.

I told my therapist I have a fear of elevators. He said, 'Let's take it one step at a time.'

Why was the belt arrested? It was the prime suspect in a murder.

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She said, 'You're just ashing for trouble.'

Why did the vampire go to the doctor? He was coffin' up blood.

Why did the serial killer break up with his girlfriend? She just didn't make the cut.

I asked my friend for a dark joke. He said, 'My life.'

Why did the coffin go on a diet? It was feeling a little too heavy-hearted.

Why was the skeleton a good detective? He would always dig up the truth.

Why did the executioner go broke? He couldn't make ends meet.

Why did the coffin join the band? It had killer bass skills.

I used to play piano by ear, but then I stopped listening.