I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Why did the belt get locked up? It held up a pair of pants!

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

Don't trust atoms, they make up everything!

I hate jokes about German sausages. They are the wurst!

When chemists die, they barium.

Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work!

I'm writing a book on reverse psychology. Do NOT read it!

Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

Why did the belt go to jail? For holding up a pair of pants!

I started a band called 1023MB, we haven't had a gig yet.

I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough doughnuts.

Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

I'm not a fan of wind turbines. They just blow me away.

I'm friends with a vegan baker. She makes everything from scratch.

Why couldn't the bicycle find its way home? It lost its bearings.

I used to play piano by ear, but now I prefer to play it by hand.

I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He asked, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays.'