Why did the zombie start a band? Because he had a loyal following.

What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One screams when you slice it, the other doesn't.

Why did the vampire become a vegetarian? He wanted to stop biting necks and start biting carrots.

Why did the zombie go to school? To improve his grave literacy skills.

Why did the ghost go to the party? He heard it was going to be a BOO-zy night.

Why don't skeletons fight in the army? They don't have the stomach for it.

What's the best way to deal with a bad haircut? Start wearing a hat.

Why did the math textbook bring a lawyer to court? It had too many problems.

What's the difference between a cat and a piano? You can't tuna cat.

What's the best way to make friends in prison? Shanksgiving dinner.

Why don't ghosts go out in the rain? It dampens their spirits.

What's the worst part about getting hit in the face with a dictionary? It really leaves a mark.

Why did the tomato turn red? It was caught reading the ketchup bottle.

What's the difference between a circus and a strip club? One has clowns, the other has clowns with clothes on.

What's the difference between a bully and a clown? One punches up, the other clowns around.

What's the best way to handle a toxic relationship? Wear protective gear.

Why did the skeleton break up with his girlfriend? She was a real bonehead.

What's the best way to start a fire at an orphanage? Tell them Santa's coming early this year.

Why was the tree excited to go to the dentist? It heard it was going to get a root canal.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a black eye.

I asked the doctor if he could recommend a book on paranoia. He whispered, 'They're all watching.'