I asked the librarian for a book on turtles, she said, 'Hardback?'

I'm friends with every letter of the alphabet, but sometimes Y gets on my nerves.

I tried to join a baking class, but they said I couldn't handle the heat.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes - she laughed and handed me a mirror.

I asked the gym instructor if he could help me with weightlifting, he said, 'Sure, pick up that candy bar.'

I'm really good at sleeping. I can do it with my eyes shut.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes - she hugged the mailman.

I asked my computer for a joke, now it won't stop telling me tech puns.

I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do a backflip, he said, 'Just flip a coin.'

Why did the math book look excited? It had too many problems.

I'm really good at telling jokes backwards. It's all in the punchline.

I used to play piano by ear, now I play it by Bluetooth.

I finally got my friend's password to 'incorrect', now his computer says 'Your password is incorrect'.

I need to have my tires rotated, but I always forget to ask them to teach me how to juggle at the same time.

I told my cat to quit his job as a cashier, he said he needed the dough.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes, she played Twister instead.

I told my computer a joke, it laughed so hard it crashed.

I'm trying to write a book about math, but I just can't count on it.

Why did the coffee taste like mud? It was fresh ground.

Why did the coffee taste like mud? It was ground just this morning.

I'm friends with a tailor, we're cut from the same cloth.