Why did the grave digger retire early? Digging up old dirt was killing him.

I asked the barber for a mullet. He said, 'Business in the front, party in the back - just like a funeral.'

Why don't ghosts have more babies? Because they have holloweenies.

I asked my wife if she wanted to try some dark humor. She said, 'No thanks, I already live with you.'

I asked the doctor for some medical advice. He said, 'You're terminal.'

I asked my dad for his best dad joke. He said, 'You, at the dinner table.'

I asked my wife for a bedtime story. She told me about our marriage.

I like my humor like I like my chocolate - dark and bitter.

I asked my boss for a raise. He said, 'Sure, get in line with the rest of the employees.'

Why did the comedian go to the doctor? He had a twisted sense of humor.

I used to be a pharmacist, but then I lost my patients.

Why was the chemistry book feeling down? It couldn't find any positive reactions.

I like my humor like I like my whiskey - strong and smoky.

I like my humor like I like my coffee - black and twisted.

Why do vampires seem sick? Because they always look pale.

I asked my dad for his best dad joke. He said, 'Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.'

I like my women like I like my wine - aged in a cellar.

Why did the tree go to the doctor? It had a bad case of bark-itus.

I like my coffee like I like my humor - cold and dark.

I asked my wife to try some dark humor. She said, 'Like your soul?'

Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.