I asked the psychic if she saw me in her future. She said she didn't have 2020 vision.

I wanted to start a pun business, but it was a play on words.

Why did Dracula become a vegetarian? He couldn't stomach rare meat.

Why did the clown go to therapy? He was tired of putting on a happy face.

Why did the psychic bring a mark to the poker game? She wanted to show she had a good hand.

Why did the farmer run a marathon? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Why did the vampire get an acting job? He had a lot of bite.

Why did the zombie apply for a job in accounting? He heard they were looking for someone with no brains.

Why did the coffin go to school? It wanted to get a little ahead in life.

Why was the mirror so unkind? It always reflected on things.

Why did the scarecrow refuse to use social media? He didn't want to be stalked.

Why was the snake lonely? He had too many hisses.

I told my wife she should try weightlifting to build muscle. She lifted her bag and left.

Why did the ghost leave the party early? He couldn't handle the living room.

Why did the zombie apply for a job at the morgue? He heard they were dying for help.

I asked my wife if she believes in life after death. She said, 'Not if I kill you first.'

I told my wife she should try being more assertive. She agreed, then disagreed, then agreed again.

Why did the ghost take a taxi? He wanted to avoid the scarefare.

I asked my doctor if I'm vitamin deficient. He said, 'You're lacking drive.'

Why did the zombie break up with his girlfriend? She said he was dead weight.

I told my wife she should take up fishing. She said, 'I already caught a big one.'