Why do we call it 'rush hour' when everyone is driving so slowly?

Why do they call it a 'jumbo shrimp' when jumbo means big and shrimp means small?

Why do we say we're 'taking a dump' when we're actually leaving one?

Why do we call it a 'hot water heater' when the water is already hot?

Why do we put our two cents in when it's only a penny for our thoughts?

Have you ever noticed that the most dangerous part of a workout class is the awkward eye contact during partner exercises?

I find it ironic that we spend so much time picking out the perfect filter for our selfies, only to delete them five minutes later.

Why do we spend hours debating on where to eat, only to end up ordering the same thing we always do? Familiarity is key, I guess.

Why do we always have the urge to point out that we're 'bad at math' when splitting a bill, even though we all have calculators on our phones?

I find it funny how we're perfectly fine talking to our pets in baby voices, but as soon as someone catches us, we switch back to our normal voice like nothing happened.

Have you ever noticed how we always feel the need to fill awkward silences by talking about the weather? It's like our default conversation starter.

Why do we always act surprised when the weekend goes by quickly, even though it happens every single time? Time flies when you're having fun, or so they say.

I always wonder why they have braille on drive-thru ATMs. Are people driving up and deciding they actually want to park and use it instead?

Why do we always feel the need to announce that we're on a diet right before we order a huge dessert? It's like a preemptive guilt trip.

Do you ever feel like every time you walk into a room, you forget why you went in there in the first place?

Why do we call it 'fun-sized' candy when no one is having any fun eating less candy?

Isn't it strange how we pay for bottled water when we can get it for free from the tap?

I wish everything was as easy as getting fat.

Do you ever notice how 'studying' is just 'student' and 'dying' put together?

Does anyone else feel like they are in a race to finish their food before the microwave beeps?

I wonder if teacher conferences are just teachers gossiping about students.