I love how we all pretend to know what we're doing when we're actually just making it up as we go along. Fake it till you make it, right?

I love how my dog follows me around the house like I'm the Pied Piper of Hamelin. Except instead of rats, I attract furballs.

Why do we call them 'smartphones' when we keep getting outsmarted by them? Who's really the genius here?

I always double-check my pockets for my phone before doing laundry. Because no one wants to wash their phone.

Have you ever noticed that the most popular songs on the radio are the ones you never want to get stuck in your head? Coincidence? I think not.

Why do we say 'bless you' when someone sneezes? Are we afraid they'll become possessed by evil spirits if we don't?

I find it ironic how we make New Year's resolutions to exercise and eat better, yet the gym is always empty by February. Guess we all got tired from just thinking about it.

I accidentally called my boss 'mom' today. I guess I need to stop spending so much time at work.

I always try to look busy at work, but somehow my boss still manages to find me for more tasks. It's like they have a sixth sense for procrastination.

Why do we say we're 'going to bed' when we're just laying down on it? Shouldn't it be 'going to sleep' instead?

I never understood why people say 'It's always in the last place you look.' Of course, it is! Why would I keep looking for something after I've found it?

Have you ever noticed how your phone only autocorrects correctly spelled words? Thanks for the help, phone.

I always feel like a private investigator when I'm stalking someone on social media. Just call me Sherlock Holmes.

Why do we have to 'fall' asleep? It sounds like a more dramatic way of saying we're going to bed.

I wonder why we have alarms to wake up in the morning but no alarms to tell us when to go to sleep. Maybe I should set one for myself.

Do you ever accidentally wave back at someone who wasn't waving at you? Awkward.

It's curious how we say we 'drive on the freeway' even though we're supposed to be driving fast.

Why do we call it 'non-stick' cookware when everything sticks to it eventually?

Isn't it odd how we use 'French' fries to represent American fast food?

Why do we say someone is 'crushing it' when they're doing well, but they're not literally crushing anything?

Have you ever realized how we say 'snooze' on our alarms, but end up snoozing multiple times?