I failed my driver's test because I couldn't make a U-turn. Or a sentence.

Why did the necrophiliac break up with his girlfriend? She was cold and unresponsive.

I love how dark humor can really brighten up a room.

Why did the sperm bank go out of business? People were withdrawing too much interest.

What's the difference between a baby and a Ferrari? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated when I die. She got really fired up about it.

I used to think air was free... until I bought a bag of chips.

I was interrogated over the theft of cheese and milk. How dairy.

I told my wife she should tighten the horse's saddle. She said, 'Neigh.'

Why was the cat feeling blue? It had a case of the meow-ancholy.

Why don't ghosts like parties? They have a hard time fitting in.

Why did the chicken get in trouble at school? It was caught egg-sperimenting.

Why did the zombie go to the therapist? To work on his emotional de-cay.

I asked my dad if he could help me with my math homework. He said, 'I can't. I'm logarithming out.'

Why did the werewolf bring a spoon to the wolf pack meeting? He heard it was a silverware party.

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a grave look.

Why did the ghost go to the party alone? Because he didn't believe in spirits.

Why did the ghost go to therapy? To work on his haunting issues.

I asked the doctor if he could recommend something for my anxiety. He said, 'Just relax, it's not like the world is ending.'

Why don't skeletons play hide and seek? Because good luck hiding when you're all bones.

I told my wife I'm addicted to gambling. She said, 'Bet you can't quit.'